New Me -Allexis 2.0

I'm going to be honest today, guys. Motherhood is hard. Is it awesome? YES. But is it also the hardest thing I've ever done? YES. And I only have one child. And I'm still in the "easy" part of parenting when he can't talk back, get into things, or make bad life choices haha. I saw a video on Facebook the other day of a woman describing how she was the perfect mom...before she actually had any kids haha. I'll link it here so you guys can watch it, but basically the video is trying to illustrate how as women we all have this idea of what we'll be like as mothers, and how awesome and perfect our children and ourselves will be, and then we actually have kids and everything we thought we knew is turned upside down.

For instance, I always thought that my babies would never use binkies, cry in sacrament meeting, have blowouts, would sleep through the night from day one, and would just be perfect all-around babies because of what...my miraculous mothering? HA!

I'm not saying this to sound negative or anything either, because as imperfect as my mothering is and as imperfect as my beautiful, perfect to me, baby is, being a mom is the best dang role I've ever had. And honestly, the reality is that we're just imperfect beings trying to do the very best that we can and that very best looks very different for every mother.

I've also been surprised by the things I've discovered about the "new me" the mom me. Like the fact that "mom me" still likes going to concerts and jamming out hardcore. Will you find me at a concert every week? Probably not. That's just not my priority anymore but it has been fun to get to know the new facets of myself and see the things that are still the same. It's also crazy how big of a difference taking some mom time makes, too and how it really does help you tackle mom duties better. When you're in the mommy trenches it's so easy to forget that you're still a human with interests and desires because, at least for me, my mentality is so "Baby, baby, baby. What does he need? What can I do for him? etc." and taking that time for me every now and then really does just make me feel like I am still  me.

I'd like to think that "mom me" is a better version of myself, though, Allexis 2.0 if you will. I may not be the perfect mom I always thought I would be but I definitely see how being a mother is drawing out the best in me so that I can love and raise my baby boy to the very best of my ability.


Valentine's Day -Party of 3

// Balloons are from Zurcher's -They're seriously the best //

Our first Valentine's Day with our little Bubs and as a party of 3! I know Mitch is missing from these photos, but I forgot to get the balloons for our shoot on Saturday which is his only free day so sadly it's just Noah boy and me. I do have to say, though, that every holiday is about ten billion times better with kids. I know everyone says it, but it's true.

In the spirit of it being love day, I'm going to make a list of the top 3 things I love about each of my Valentine's.


1. His kindness. I know he thinks he's a mean grouch, and he can be sometimes haha, but his capacity for kindness and being an all around tender hearted guy blows me away. It's what first attracted me to him honestly.

2. His service. I don't know of any other person who would stay up till 1 in the morning carefully wrapping anonymous Christmas gifts for a family in need or likewise bake cookies for me at the drop of a hat...also at 1 in the morning haha. Seriously, my guy has a heart of gold.

3. His thoughtfulness. This guy does not miss a beat when it comes to being thoughtful, which is great because I never think of the little sweet details that make people really feel special, haha, so he reminds to go the extra mile and do the little things. And he does all the little things for me that make feel like a million bucks!


1. His cuddles. There are no cuddles on earth like Noah's. The way he presses his warm, sweet, little cheek against mine as I carry him around as we do chores in the morning is one of my favorite things.

2. His laugh. Gosh, I could die when this little boy graces me with one of his gurgley giggles. It's even better when it turns into a scream/squeal.

3. The way he wakes me up in the morning with his sweet babbles and gently stroking my face, as if to say, "Mama, wake up. It's time to play." I still even love it when those gentle strokes turn into hardcore slaps, hahaha, if it takes me too long to wake up.

Anyway, however you're spending your Valentine's Day, I hope it's a good one and that you can remember to give those you love, romantic or otherwise, an extra squeeze. Also, shout out to my sweet sister Allison who snapped these pics for us! She also took the pics of mine and Mitchel's first Valentine's Day shoot. You can check out that flash back here!


Getting To Know You -Thoughts on Motherhood

As of this Thursday Noah and I will be five months in. Five months into me being his mama, and five months into him being my son. I remember when he was first born it felt so odd to refer to him as my son. Just saying "my son" felt so foreign and strange.

I've been thinking a lot lately about the fact that I really don't know Noah and he really doesn't know me. Well, at five months into our relationship we do know a little bit about each other -mostly how much we love each other- but really our relationship is just like any other relationship out there were you start off with pretty much zero knowledge about one another. Does he know that I love music and concerts, or that I love classic literature and can only claim Jane Austen as the most current author whose works I've read? Probably not. But I guess there is one giant difference between the beginnings of a mother-child relationship and a common relationship: it starts off with fierce love.

I often look at Noah and wonder what kind of person he will be. What his likes and dislikes will be, what will interest him. Whether or not he'll be a music fanatic like me or sports fan like his dad. Or maybe he'll shock us all and end up being a hip-hop dancer (I would secretly love this) or something.

So far I would say that I've learned that Noah is a very particular and demanding kind of guy. He is kind of the exact opposite of 'go with the flow' haha. He has very exact ideas of what he wants to do, where he wants to be, and what position he would like to be in and he makes what his dad likes to call 'gremlin' noises until his desires are met. He is also the sweetest little guy, though, and thankfully quite the opposite of me as a baby when it comes to affection. He adores kisses, loves to be held nice and tight by his mama and just about anybody honestly. He hasn't experienced too much caution when it comes to strangers because he is a HUGE lover of attention and will take it wherever and whomever it comes from. He also, loves, loves, LOVES adventuring and going outside. If he's cooped up inside the house for too long he starts going stir crazy and getting fussy.

I really am just super excited to keep getting to know this little soul. This little soul that God trusted me enough to care for.


Looking Back and Looking Ahead

Guess who's back? Mostly because I need somewhere to keep journaling my thoughts on life and dump photos of Noah. Because every single one of these photos is way too cute to not share somewhere even though they're almost all exactly the same hahaha.

Let's talk about 2017 briefly. 2017 was easily the best year of my life thus far! Becoming a mother was indescribable. Seriously, there are no words to describe it. I will say, though, that after pregnancy-brain comes mom-brain and it's just as bad. So basically I've already forgotten pretty much all of 2017 and can hardly remember what I did yesterday, hahaha.

Now let's talk 2018. I think this will be a very interesting year. 2017 was cool in the sense that I knew exactly what was going to be happening that year. I was going to experience pregnancy/birth for the first time and by the end of the year I would have a tiny little babe in my arms. 2018, though, is going to be a complete mystery. I have zero clue where life will take my little family this year and the only thing I know for sure is that my little Noah boy will just keep on growing. So honestly, 2018 feels like one big question mark. I have goals and such made for the year for my little fam and also for myself. My biggest goal for this year, though, is just to increase my faith. It's something I've been struggling with for a few months now, and by the time I reach the end of 2018 I hope I can say my faith has been strengthened, but I'll share more details on those feelings another day.

Also, I realize none of these thoughts have anything to do with these pictures of Noah, but hey, we've got to start somewhere. I will say, though, how cute is that TONGUE?! That's his latest skill and we're just as obsessed with it as he is.

Anyhow, that's it for now but I promise I'll be back soon with all the thoughts I've had swirling around in my brain in regard to motherhood, health, and faith. I don't know if anyone even visits this space of mine anymore or if I'm just spitting out words into the great void of the internet but I enjoy writing and sharing photos of my little fam so I'll keep at it.


How I Found the Confidence to Deliver My Baby

 You can clearly see how "thrilled" I am to be spun around while 8 months pregnant, haha ;) I love my Mitch, though, and the light heartedness he brings to our lives.

Photos by the AMAZING Ceclia Harvard

I'm going to start off by saying something I said frequently throughout my pregnancy; I suck at being pregnant. I don't say this because I have any sort of extra physical challenges while pregnant. I say this because I had a crummy attitude for a good chunk of my pregnancy and it was 100% because of my vanity. I've always had struggles with body-confidence and have had obsessive tendencies when it comes to trying to control or 'regulate' what my physique looks like (being majorly OCD about exercising, eating healthfully, etc). From the get-go this mind-set made it hard for me to open up to the idea of gaining weight while pregnant and feeling beautiful. I would see the numbers on the scale go up and up and up and it would drive me bonkers. I would see my once flat stomach slowly starting to protrude and I would feel "huge". There were times when I honestly wouldn't even want to be seen by anyone I knew because I felt such silly shame about how "huge" I felt. In hindsight, I look back on all of my pregnancy photos and all I see is beauty and I can't help but feel 100% embarrassed and ashamed of all of those feelings. The swelling goes down, the weight comes off, tummies shrink back down, clothes fit again and everything is OKAY. More than okay even because you have this new little life that your body created! Anyway, this isn't meant to be a body post (I'm saving my post-partum health journey for another day and after I've had a few months to truly experience it). This is meant to be a post to discuss how at about 8 months pregnant all the negativity I had been carrying with me turned around completely and how I went from being absolutely terrified of delivery to feeling confident and assured.

At about the 5 or 6 month mark with my pregnancy I stumbled across a hypnobirthing class called the "Curtis Method". I looked it up and everything on the website just spoke to me and really resonated with me and the kind of birth I wanted but wasn't really sure would be possible. From the second I found it I told Mitch about it, and shared snippets of what it was all about with him. Being the supportive husband that he is, he was all for it and told me to sign us up for the next round of classes right then and there. I'm a bit of a second guesser to begin with and the classes were a bit of an investment, though, so I held off. I kept putting off signing up for the classes and missing round after round of 5 week class increments. One day, though, I came across a birth video from one of the moms who had taken the classes and it was so beautiful, brought me to tears, and finally convinced me that I needed to give these classes a shot no matter the investment. Let me tell you, it was by far the BEST investment I made my entire pregnancy and my only regret was not signing up sooner. 

The classes were 3hrs long once a week for 5 weeks. Over those next 5 weeks, Mitch and I learned about my body, how it works and was perfectly designed to deliver babies, the stages of labor, techniques for how Mitch could be an active participant in the delivery process, and so much more. What really helped me more than anything, though, were the positive affirmations that I would practice daily. These really helped me feel more confident in and appreciative of my pregnant body. I wish I could go into more details about everything we learned but that would be a discredit to the instructor. I will say, though, that I 100% credit these classes to the confidence I had when I went into labor. They really took the mystery right out of the equation and I was able to begin laboring knowing exactly what would be happening that day and that I was 100% capable of doing it. More than anything these classes taught Mitch and I that labor doesn't have to be scary, and that it can actually be one of the biggest experiences of love we can ever feel. 

Another big component of the classes was teaching how to overcome 'pain and fear' through relaxation and hypnosis. I honestly wasn't great at relaxing and practicing the hypnosis when I went into labor but I truly think this is because I ended up having such a short amount of time to practice the techniques since Noah was born the day after the last class. I'm 100% confident, though, that with my next deliveries I'll be able to relax and truly have pain free deliveries because I'll have more time to practice and prepare.

Anyway, I would 100% recommend these classes to any local pregnant mamas out there. I promise you they will give you the tools to have a confident, beautiful, and love filled delivery! I have nothing but positive feelings about Noah's delivery and the high I felt from how amazing it was! I know an unmedicated birth isn't everyone's goal, but my goodness the feeling of it all is truly amazing and I wish every mama had the chance to feel those sensations at least once because there really is nothing like it! I won't lie and say it's easy, but it is worth it!