Inhale...and...exhale. I know I should be posting my final installment of the "Blog Design 101" series today...but honestly? I just don't have the energy/desire for it. Today has just been one of those phooey kind of days. For many specific reasons, but also many specific reasons that I just don't want to get into. Frustrations that I've been carrying around for 4+ years, and that I had sincerely thought I had let go of, just came back to whammy snitch slap me across the face again. I guess it's just a reminder that life isn't always fair and no matter how hard we work, things don't always work out the way we plan...which is immensely frustrating. I mean, a lot of this just has to do with road blocks in my life that were completely out of my hands but also choices that I made myself which set me up for these massive stop signs.
I mean, I know the world isn't going to cease to function if I don't get to accomplish all the things I've worked for in the exact time that I expected, but sometimes it can sure get discouraging. Especially when I see my peers crossing the finish line that, had life been picture perfect, I would have crossed two years ago. If there's one thing I've learned so far, it's that patience is key...and Chick-Fil-A works wonders on a worn out heart. That, and a nice long and arduous run. Seriously, though, the past couple of weeks I hadn't been able to fit in time for my weekly 25 miles and boy could I see a difference. Not necessarily physically, because I was still cross training, but emotionally/spiritually. After four years of using running as therapy I've discovered that it has just become a necessity to my emotional health. I don't run to burn a certain amount of calories, or to look a certain way, I run to be free. When life is hard, I run. When my heart aches, I run. When I need direction and clarity, I run. When I'm happy, I run. Nothing feels as good as the escape of a heart pumping like rapid fire, burning lungs breathing in fresh air, and legs aching to slow down but loving every second of pushing faster and faster.
I think I'm loosing my point here, though. Which, I guess was just that I'm tired of life never being easy. Of all too often feeling like this dude. Like screaming into a an ice cream cone full of flowers. I guess there's that saying, "good things come to those who wait", so I will continue to work and wait. In the meantime, though, I need to give myself my own wake up call and realize that life is a thousand times harder for so many other people and I need to be grateful for how easy I actually have it. Not only that, but that through prayer I'm blessed enough to have a friend who understands perfectly. I think Elder Bednar put it best this last conference,
"And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities” (Alma 7:11–12). Thus, the Savior has suffered not just for our sins and iniquities—but also for our physical pains and anguish, our weaknesses and shortcomings, our fears and frustrations, our disappointments and discouragement, our regrets and remorse, our despair and desperation, the injustices and inequities we experience, and the emotional distresses that beset us. There is no physical pain, no spiritual wound, no anguish of soul or heartache, no infirmity or weakness you or I ever confront in mortality that the Savior did not experience first. In a moment of weakness we may cry out, “No one knows what it is like. No one understands.” But the Son of God perfectly knows and understands, for He has felt and borne our individual burdens. And because of His infinite and eternal sacrifice (see Alma 34:14), He has perfect empathy and can extend to us His arm of mercy...The unique burdens in each of our lives help us to rely upon the merits, mercy, and grace of the Holy Messiah (see 2 Nephi 2:8). I testify and promise the Savior will help us to bear up our burdens with ease (see Mosiah 24:15). As we are yoked with Him through sacred covenants and receive the enabling power of His Atonement in our lives, we increasingly will seek to understand and live according to His will. We also will pray for the strength to learn from, change, or accept our circumstances rather than praying relentlessly for God to change our circumstances according to our will. We will become agents who act rather than objects that are acted upon (see 2 Nephi 2:14). We will be blessed with spiritual traction. (Find his complete talk here)